I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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