hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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