i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
