i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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