Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
