booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
