its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
