Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize