Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You can't motorboat a personality
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
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After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
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I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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