I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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