I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
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I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
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Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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