no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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