I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
