i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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