can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
