he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges