i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Pants are for mortals
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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