I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
