i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?