i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life