i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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