omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
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Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY