He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
