i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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