The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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