I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
