I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
