I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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