he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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