He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
