I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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