You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
