someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
