If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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