billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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