i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
