I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize