You made me cry and you don't even care
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i dont even know how to be here
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
