my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
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Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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