I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
