im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
