Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This toilet bowl is my home.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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