I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
