I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
