"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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