How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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