Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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