So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize