I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
