youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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