Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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