remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
