I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
