wanna go halves on a baby?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
