Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
love makes seman taste better
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
