What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
