Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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