your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
