He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
