Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
