So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
