how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
