there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize