I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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