Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
