oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
