How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Someone came in the potted fern
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
