is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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