i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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