Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
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I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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