I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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