i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
