you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
