Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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