Texts From Last Night

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer

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  (502): I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer http://tfl.nu/cllh
  Replies (118) Good night (23513) Bad night (2539)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A

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  (603): i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A http://tfl.nu/1ey6
  Replies (28) Good night (1239) Bad night (5408)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.

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  (614): mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her. http://tfl.nu/npv7
  Replies (6) Good night (1091) Bad night (3072)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me

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  (732): my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me http://tfl.nu/ef5u
  Replies (12) Good night (4878) Bad night (1702)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry

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  (229): No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry http://tfl.nu/1p4e
  Replies (6) Good night (2627) Bad night (939)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!

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  (405): The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes! http://tfl.nu/kv24
  Replies (15) Good night (2692) Bad night (651)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it

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  (386): he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it http://tfl.nu/bfv6
  Replies (16) Good night (1954) Bad night (1376)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream

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  (828): Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream http://tfl.nu/n2ta
  Replies (13) Good night (2591) Bad night (608)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.

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  (405): All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before. http://tfl.nu/9m83
  Replies (9) Good night (616) Bad night (1401)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?

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  (414): Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it? http://tfl.nu/mo75
  Replies (4) Good night (739) Bad night (389)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.

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  (970): He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER. http://tfl.nu/32pn
  Replies (2) Good night (382) Bad night (661)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.

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  (423): I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay. http://tfl.nu/or95
  Replies (2) Good night (899) Bad night (268)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Sooooo, no second date?

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  (860): He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store. (508): Sooooo, no second date? http://tfl.nu/ghyh
  Replies (5) Good night (328) Bad night (737)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Daily.

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  (702): Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision (970): Daily. http://tfl.nu/0fgj
  Replies (0) Good night (590) Bad night (311)
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  (510): View more from California

  But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.

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  (510): But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming. http://tfl.nu/5mbe
  Replies (2) Good night (1044) Bad night (165)

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