I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
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I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
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We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone