you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!