Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(225): View more from Louisiana

I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.

(504): View more from Louisiana

Who won?

(225): View more from Louisiana

All of them.

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(225): I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away. (504): Who won? (225): All of them. http://tfl.nu/xlra

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(330): View more from Ohio

did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..

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(330): did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding.. http://tfl.nu/ng2x

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(803): View more from South Carolina

What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.

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(803): What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible. http://tfl.nu/1wu4

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(407): View more from Florida

cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.

(1-407): View more from Florida

the diet of an alcoholic...

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(407): cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks. (1-407): the diet of an alcoholic... http://tfl.nu/3a7v

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.

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(864): I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me. http://tfl.nu/y5s2

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(419): View more from Ohio

Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?

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(419): Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat? http://tfl.nu/dmug

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(845): View more from New York

I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary

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(845): I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary http://tfl.nu/j2zc

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(919): View more from North Carolina

You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell

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(919): You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell http://tfl.nu/8yas

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(703): View more from Virginia

I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.

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(703): I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform. http://tfl.nu/4ptq

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.

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(405): It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion. http://tfl.nu/3wue

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(515): View more from Iowa

I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.

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(515): I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor. http://tfl.nu/c5bv

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(630): View more from Illinois

You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five

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(630): You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five http://tfl.nu/ynd3

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.

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(605): Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised. http://tfl.nu/r6ni

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."

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(202): Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis. (202): Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery." http://tfl.nu/nxhj

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.

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(202): I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself. http://tfl.nu/zw8t

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