If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out