Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
