i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
