Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
