you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
