At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
